I was reading an article yesterday on how to start loving and living your life rather than loving “stuff” (as in material objects) in your life. In other words, you do not need “things” to make you happy. Instead you should focus on having experiences to create memories that can not only make you happy now, but also in the future when you reflect back about things you did, rather than look back at things you owned.
It is amazing because like most people I have found myself resorting to retail therapy whenever I have felt down or upset, and although these “things” lift my spirits temporarily, the problem that got me down in the first place has still been there niggling in the background and left unresolved.
It is also interesting how we can buy things for others we care about to try and “prove” our appreciation for them, and usually, the more expensive the gift equals the more care is involved. However, actually showing care, engaging emotion and connecting with the other person is lost and taken over by these “things”.
Some apply this to what we could call “relationship therapy”. Being in a relationship even if it unhealthy is better than being single! Your partner becomes an object where the idea and status of being someone’s “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is the be all and end all in your eyes, and to go back to being single – well that’s worse than death!
Partners can be perceived as “things” too – just in a different context.
Sometimes you may find yourself measuring your self-worth by being in a relationship or not being in one. If you are with somebody then it means that someone cares for you, you can tell your friends who you are spending your weekends and evenings with, you receive text messages and phone calls as a reminder of having someone in your life who is thinking about you…and if you are not with somebody, well then you’re not worth as much as those who are a couple – which is not true at all!
A partnership involves two individuals coming together to strengthen each other and grow together. Although being in a relationship can instantly provide you with a self-esteem boost and understanding that you are desirable, it’s not the only thing you need to give yourself this confidence boost. The wrong person can cause more destruction to your life than happiness, but knowing this and holding onto them just for the fact that you can tell everyone that you “have” a partner and because you cannot face saying you are single again, is like having an unhealthy addiction.
Although you should be aiming to have someone who cares about you in your life, you should never settle for anything less than what you deserve. So until that person comes along, you should still find your desire for enjoying your life and living with high self-esteem regardless.
5 Ways You Can Fulfil Your Life:
1) Get Off Your Butt and Get Active
Rather than sit looking out of a window wondering when your prince or princess is going to show up and save you, get out there and start to try new things, learn new skills, join new clubs, make new friends…the sooner you start to fill your life with activities and people that make you smile, the sooner you will feel your life becoming more fulfilling.
2) Start Making Memories
When they say, “It’s the thought that counts”, go one step further by taking action on your good thoughts and intentions. Spend more time with the people in your life, your family and your friends, even if it’s going out for a casual walk or meeting for coffee. Do things that you can look back at later on in your life and smile about.
3) Find Your Passion
When we don’t have a goal or anything to feel good about in our lives we can feel as though we are coasting along on a road to nowhere. I believe that we each have a natural talent. Discover your talent and passion for what makes you feel alive and once you do – do it well.
4) Open Your Eyes
You have more people that care about you than you think, but because they have always been a part of your life, it’s easy to take them for granted and feel alone. Look at your friends, your family, people who mean a lot to you. A great way to appreciate them is to imagine your life if you lost them and how much you would miss them. Then feel how much you would miss them and want them back. This little exercise can build up your emotions towards the ones you care for. Once you have found your emotions – show them!
5) Enjoy the Time Now – When it’s Gone it’s Gone!
When you were a kid, I bet all you wanted to do was be an adult, and now being an adult, all you think about is how much you miss being a kid. Don’t be in any rush to follow the trend, the trend that says you MUST be settled down before a certain age, you MUST have children at a certain age, you MUST, you MUST, you MUST! What you MUST do is enjoy every stage of your life so when it comes to the next, you can face it with willingness and say, “I have had a blast!!”
Aiming to inject a breath of happiness, contentment and a boost of confidence within your life should be your priority. So when it comes to being in a relationship, your partner is not the only good part of your life but an enhancement of every other great aspect that you already possess.
Remember, buying “things” can lead your bank account into debt and keeping relationship “things” can lead your life into debt. Spending time with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or is no good for you can take away the most precious asset available to you – time! Time is something you can never get back.
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Hm, very interesting. I know that one needs to be a whole person in order to be in a relationship, and so the partner that one has will not make you complete but make you happy, but not also happy, but as you said enhance your happiness.
Yeah agree with article, people often get scared and to make them feel better and more secure they by gifts for there partner. Its a gift for them as well as their partner.
Nice thoughts.. its true… i am still single and people ask me.. “Arun why the hell is it that you dont have girl friend..?”.. well sometimes it makes me think.. Why..? then as one of my friends told me – God is still busy making my love story.. he he.. i believe that you have to be with the right person in the relationship, else things go wrong.. And i agree with Sonia on the fact that you need to enjoy your life now.. you need to spend time with ur loved ones..
I do a lot of social work and i am lucky enough to have like minded people in my life.. Nice one.. keep writing..
Enjoy the time now..when it’s gone it’s gone.
Couldn’t have said it better myself.