I had to write up a quick article on this topic as quite a few people have asked my opinion on if I think it is right. Now there is no right or wrong answer to this question because it can depend on your personal and/or spiritual beliefs. A lot of people think it is wrong to have sex before marriage and usually disagree when people do it and vice versa.
I was flicking through the TV channels yesterday and managed to catch an episode of Sex and The City where Charlotte was getting married to her first husband (Trey). Well long story short she had saved herself until they got married but then found out he had problems in the bedroom. Unfortunately for them their relationship didn’t work out.
Sex is a very important factor in a relationship despite what many people say (of course I am not saying it is THE most important thing). A relationship cannot be built or saved using things such as children, holidays etc if you are not happy with your partner sexually. A lot of people get frowned upon when they say their relationship didn’t work out because of the sex. I would like to make this perfectly clear that we are all human at the end of the day and with this we all have needs, so it is perfectly normal to come out of a relationship if you are not satisfied sexually. This may mean your partner is simply better off as a friend rather than a spouse.
Another thing I would like to make clear is just because your partner might have broken up with you because they are not satisfied in the bedroom does NOT mean you are “bad in bed” Different people suit different things so what you do might not suit your first partner but your second partner might love!
The thing you have to think about if you are waiting to get married before having sex is that of the Charlotte and Trey situation. If your partner cannot satisfy your needs in bed will you still be able to sustain a healthy relationship? Of course to some people sex is not as important as it is to others so may prove easier for some if they do come across this situation. Some people love their partners so much that they do not want to leave them but instead have meaningless sex behind their backs with someone else. This is because they are satisfying their needs sexually (although this is not the right way to go about it).
Many people nowadays prefer to have sex before marriage as they can then find out if they can connect with this person both on a physical and mental level as well as sexual. From this they then build on their relationship and if things do not work out they can mutually split without having to go through a divorce.
If you are waiting to get married before having sex you need to make sure you are happy with this arrangement and that you can sustain a healthy relationship throughout. Having sex before marriage does not mean you are lower then those who save themselves. If you prefer to have sex with your partner and build a relationship before getting married then this is perfectly normal and does not make you any less of a person.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
What is sex? (laugh) Being a single mom I put this part of my life on the back burner until my son is 18 and doing his own thing. This is a great idea for a blog – I think we should link to you.
Catheirne
Thanks Catherine! Lol, I think it’s great though that you are putting your son as a priority in your life. My mum did that for me and my two sisters and we love her to bits! Sonia.
What an intelligent and considered approach to sex in relationship.
When talking about this, far too many people deal in absolutes, half-truths and their argument is nearly always based on their own understanding and view of the World. It’s refreshing to see a balanced common sense approach to the subject.
Nice article.
The important thing is LOVE.
If you really love someone, you would do whatever you can to improve your sex life (even if you waited after marriage). There are sex therapists, videos/media to enhance sex life, and techniques to do with a partner.
Young folks might read this message as “Oh — I’m sleeping around with tons of folks to test the water…” But does it enhance the relationship in a way? No — guys to do it to “get laid” and girls do it to “rebel against the sexual conformity” — Very few advice preach forming love as the most important foundation.
As an analogy, what I ended up marrying someone but he has sort of “gene” — asthma, alcholism, bad habits, etc. Must I divorce on that person because of that “gene”? No, if you truly love the person you would do whatever you can to help him/her. Bad sex? There are countless ways to improve it.
So, even if you waited until marriage to have sex and found your sex life was horrible, it’s nothing to do with sex — but other areas like communication, openess, trust, and perhaps learning a few techniques.